Announcement: JUCE and Brexit - how will this affect you?

#1

Official statement from the JUCE team, 1st April 2019:

JUCE & Brexit: How will this affect you?

As most of you will be aware, JUCE (ROLI) is a UK-based company.

You may have heard in the news that the UK is about to perform an act called “Brexit” upon itself, which (for the benefit of our international readers) is the name of the process by which the UK will leave the European Union. This is due to happen very soon, within the next few days or years.

Some of our users have asked us whether Brexit will affect the way they use JUCE, so we’d just like to reassure everyone that it’ll be business-as-usual, with very few changes expected.

Thankfully, Brexit will be a straightforward, painless process. An overwhelming 37.5% of the UK population voted for it in 2016. The UK government immediately set out a clear, simple plan for the transition process. No serious hitches or unexpected complications are likely to occur, and the country is united in looking forward excitedly to the benefits that will come from no longer having a clear trading relationship with our neighbours.

However … leaving the EU and proudly “taking back control of our code” will mean a few changes to the laws governing software development. So we’ll need to make a few minor changes to meet the new post-Brexit regulations:

  • Pricing will change from GPB/USD to the new British currency of Groats. In preference to currency exchanges, we will also accept payment-in-kind using dried or preserved food, robust outerwear, diesel fuel, ammunition, or basic medication.

  • The time epoch will reset to zero in England and Wales on midnight of the 22nd May. The UK Government assures us that the transport, finance, and manufacturing industries are unlikely to notice additional disruption on that day. It is recommended not to rely upon calendar-related calculations in Scotland or Northern Ireland until further notice.

  • New regulations will require all UK businesses and government departments to use only British operating systems, so JUCE will need to support a few more target platforms such as ICL VME, Acorn RISC OS, Sinclair Basic, etc.

  • Shades of the colour red in your user interface will render as blue in the UK.

  • Outside the UK, calls into and out of JUCE functions will be subject to additional run-time checks that will be simultaneously extensive and free from additional computational overhead. Thankfully Brexit’s “API backstop” provides a comprehensive solution, ensuring frictionless transactions by delaying all implementation decisions for another 18 months.

  • We will only be permitted to distribute code that was written by someone with a British-sounding name. Most of the JUCE team have been able to prove their Britishness to the satisfaction of the Home Office. Files written by Fabian Renn, Timur Doumler and Ivan Cohen will be removed until they have undergone full naturalisation by writing them out in hand and retyping them along to a recording of Elgar’s Cello Concerto.

  • As the UK starts to outlaw words whose etymology has been tainted by Europe, we’ll need to rename a few JUCE classes to Old English equivalents. This shouldn’t cause any major problems: e.g. String (of Proto-Germanic origin) will become Rápincel, Component (Latin) will be Bannuc etc.

  • There may be some short-term interruptions to our responsiveness due to power outages, mandatory parades, pestilence, etc, but we are actively digging a new JUCE office equipped with backup generators, blast-doors and defensive weaponry. We expect to release updates whenever our IP address is picked in the weekly Bandwidth Lottery.

  • Licences will no longer be issued electronically, but are required to be supplied in chancery-hand on vellum. Orders placed within the Home Counties curfew zone will usually be processed within three days. Correspondence from territories unknown to our messengers may be dismissed as witchcraft.

  • A minor change to the wording of the licence: Instead of “all disputes will be settled under UK legal jurisdiction”, this clause will become “all disputes will be decided in trial-by-combat at an approved arena until (i) death of either combatant, or (ii) honour is agreed to be restored”. The licensee may nominate a champion at their own discretion.

The JUCE team wishes you all a happy and fulfilling 2019!
(or British Year 0003 as it will shortly be known)

If you have any further questions, please contact our legal department: witchfindergeneral@juce.com

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pinned #2
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#3

I fail to see why the Juce community should put up with such nonsense. I call for a referendum!

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#4

@jules You’ve forgotten the new Pull Request rules for the ROLI GitHub: the shouting of “Division! clear the lobby!” in a global google hangout before starting every review.

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#5

On behalf on “the colonies” (Australia and new Zealand) we welcome England back into the Great British empire.
PS: Please send more Muskets, beads, and blankets.

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#6

Ordur. Orduuuur.

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#7

Is there any news of the updated style guide? When should we start programming with only Emojis?

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#8

Ze germans are heavy at heart (dict.cc said that phrasing is dated so I assume that is the proper old English that you referred to) about you leaving us alone! Although it was a bit boring that we didn’t drop bombs on each others heads for the last couple of decades, I hope someone buys another referendum and we can keep everything as it is - a Bannuc class would still be great though!

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closed #9

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